Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
