I'm going to rape someone's good day.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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