Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
