You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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