Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
