If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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