let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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