she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
