you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
