he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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