he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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