She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
