You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
