I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
