Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
