Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
