did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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