a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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