Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
