Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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