It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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