bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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