So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
