Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
