i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize