Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize