just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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