Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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