i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
