How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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