You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize