Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
