I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
