Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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