Are we in a gay sports bar?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
