Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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