I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
