Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
