OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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