Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
