Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
