Cold hands, warm shart.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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