Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
