apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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