My hand turned me down
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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