Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
