if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize