We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
