How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
