So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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