I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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