Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
