Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
