my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The ass gains better be worth it
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