Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
