YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
