Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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