There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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