I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
