I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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