I am spending my child support on dildos
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
