Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
