i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
