Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
